All close relationships are inevitably put to a severe test by the simple act of sharing a confined space for any length of time. Thus I had great feelings of trepidation when Sir Terence English – whose friendship I greatly value – suggested that I should accompany him on “La Aventura Panamericana”. I was sure he already suspected that I was, at least, slightly crackers but the full extend of this affliction would certainly become apparent after even a short period cooped up with me in a 4x4! Undoubtedly our friendship would be stretched to the limit especially when my appalling driving standards were also revealed. Life is, however, a gamble and so, fortified by Oscar Wilde’s maxim that “Everyone should try everything at least once -- except incest and morris dancing”, I threw caution to the winds and accepted the invitation.
My rather crazy approach to life need not have worried me too much because our other crew member, Audrey, was a match for me and obviously practiced the philosophy that adversity should be greeted with humour and hilarity. In addition she was a “real rally driver” who could take the mountain roads with zest and, unlike me, did not feel it was necessary to shut her eyes every time she drove round a bend. (Incidentally I have kept the latter confession to myself until safely away from my two companions)! Thank goodness we had Terence on hand to quietly infuse reason into the proceedings and keep us, literally, on the road although, when I was navigating, it was not always the right one – but more of that later. In any event I must have been sedate at times because I was informed that I had been mistaken for Sir Terence’s butler by another crew from the USA. I think that they must have thought that the large suitcase I was carrying contained the family silver and an ironing board for valet duties -- Beeves rather than Jeeves perhaps.
Ours was a vehicle that was never going to compete for the “first past the post prize” but we were certainly in line for the travelling conversation prizes awarded for “literature; laughs; philosophy; more laughs; history; even more laughs; good and bad science; many more laughs and, of course, geology”. The last subject demands a special mention because we each took a particular stance about the reasons why so many mountains have flat tops. Audrey veered towards the idea that rushing torrents of water had skimmed them off -- after they had erupted as primeval volcanoes -- while Terence tended towards the concept of slow erosion of the peaks. Oh yes -- I knew I was totally ignorant of the whole thing but here my Irish genes came to the fore and I just made up a good story – or two, or three!
And so, despite the marathon like routes, the days passed quickly and were enormous fun. Each day was special and something new appeared, at least, hourly. As each new feature arrived I increased my admiration for the organisers of the routes who could take us through remote areas and chart them so successfully. My memory of the time is a whirl of amazing scenery that constantly varied and with colours of sky and sea that seemed much more intense that anywhere else I have been.
But it was not all pretty scenery because I needed education in such mysteries as driving an off road vehicle and, most challenging, the art and science of navigating using the dreaded “Tulips”. This apparently simple and straight forward method of guiding us onwards is supposed to be “idiot proof”. Don’t believe it --- that simple, reassuring statement fails to take account of the ingenuity of idiots like me who can always find a way to defeat the system. This was particularly true when there was less than one kilometre between “Tulip” points. In my case, success with one instruction required a lengthy period of sighing with relief and self congratulation. Often this rest period exceeded the time to the next “Tulip” and we were then lost -- (the latter word was often replaced by a more colourful one). Soon I came to think of the “Tulips” as more like “Deadly Nightshade” or “Poison Ivy”.
And then there was my driving...... Perhaps the best thing I can say is, “Sorry crew members of car 7; I did tell you that I was not a natural driver but omitted to confess, until after you had let me take the wheel, that I am also a natural coward”. However despite everything I inflicted on my friends this really was an experience of the Oscar Wilde type that “everyone should try -- at least once”. Since arriving back in the UK I have been tempted to start conversations with complete strangers to tell them that I could cross rivers and drive along mountain paths in a 4x4 but there was no point because only those who have done it would appreciate it. What I would have been like if Terence had not been there to gently encourage me is NOT difficult to imagine – I would have funked it and gone by bus along the pretty route!
And so to my last day; which is after all my sole remit for this document so I had better get on with it! The day given to describe was twelve but that merely consisted of arising early and taking a taxi to Mexico City Airport and then on to UK. I am sure that describing how the tube line (subway to our US friends) to central London was closed will not be of the slightest interest to anyone so please indulge me while I describe our last day on the road -- the 11th.
We started well from Guanajuato before dawn and should have realised that it was not a normal day even for Mexico when a column of local people appeared out of the darkness carrying banners that we subsequently found to be celebrating a National Revolution Day. Fortunately this was a previous revolution and not a new one so the only hold up was to our journey rather than of the kidnapping kind. Everything progressed well with me in the back seat and then everything changed when I became the navigator. While travelling through Celaya the intervals between the “Poison Ivy” -- sorry “Tulips” -- were very short and well below the time required for even a short sigh of relief so that I missed the turn into a square and directed Audrey down an, apparently, interminable one way street and along an alternative highway to Mexico City. A long time later, and after much patience exhibited by my fellow crew members, we returned to the regular route via an unplanned trip along a Toll road. Later in Zitacuaro we were again held up by a lengthy Revolution march and this put us well behind our estimated time. Nevertheless it was great to see the children dressed up and enjoying their free day as the central participants of the celebrations
This was not a drive of spectacular scenes such as we had seen on earlier days but it took us through areas that were just high enough to ensure a temperate climate and country that almost had the appearance of the Swiss lowlands. Beautiful it may have been but here was also a particular form of Mexican torture exhibited in the form of unmarked topes – surely this is the Spanish for “pelvis shakers”.
Unfortunately the weather was not suitable for a visit to Nevado de Toluca volcano at over 13,000 feet but a detour to the small but beautiful waterfall of Salto de Chihuahua was possible where we met up with two other crews and were offered “soup a la 4x4” by Lyn and Eric. This remarkable couple seemed to have the entire equipment from “Ready, Steady Cook” in the back of their vehicle. This was certainly an improvement on cold tortillas etc nicked from the breakfast spread at the hotel.
The drive to Mexico City soon became something of a slog with heavy traffic that increased as we approached closer to the hotel. The Isle of Man may have its TT (Tourist Trophy) but that is no comparison with Mexico City’s TTT (Terminal Traffic Thrombosis). Our progress was very slow and we were not helped by traffic cops who inanely blew into whistles at each clogged junction. Eventually we phoned in to reassure the control desk that car 7 was eventually going to arrive and not to send out a search party! It was here that the “Tulips” came into their own -- in this traffic the shortest distance between points took an age -- and we arrived last and very tired at the Sherrington.
Regretfully our late arrival prevented me saying farewell and thanks to most of the other crews who contributed to such a brilliant experience. Your kindness to a floundering beginner was heart warming and I hope, eventually, to write to each of my new found friends if I am allowed your emails or -- unusual these days -- your home addresses.
Finally thank you again Terence and Audrey -- it was unforgettable fun -- and please note that I have been practising with trouser pressing and shoe cleaning in order to fulfil my duties as your butler more satisfactorily in future. Is there, now, any chance of a reference?
With fondest, and best, wishes to everyone.
“BEEVES”
(Apologies to PG Wodehouse)
PS I have taken up morris dancing.
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La Aventura Panamericana - Day 31 blog
Hola Hero!
It has taken this long for Car Seven to recuperate, or at least the non-English member of the crew who had the worst journey in the world, to get from Panama to Cape Town via New York.
Mar 5, 2007
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La Aventura Panamericana - Day 30 blog
Today we drive from San José to El Bambito.
After a short night of rest we got up at 04.15. We had breakfast at 05.00 and left the hotel at 05.45. We drove through a dark and quiet San José. We filled our car up with diesel and drove out of the city into the mountains.
Mar 5, 2007
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La Aventura Panamericana - Day 28 Blog
Brrrrr… Brrrrr… Brrrrr…
Who invented mobile phones that vibrate their wake up call? It is 5.45am in Tegucigalpa and the sun has not yet made its feeble awakening. We blink our weary eyes and struggle out from underneath our warm blankets. We are in Honduras at the start of Day 28 of our Central American dash.
Dec 14, 2006
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La Aventura Panamericana Day 24
It is nearly 06: 00 when we leave the hotel Villa Maya in Flores. Unfortunately because Arnold couldn’t believe that crocodiles are in the lake and he had to cancel his swim…!
Dec 14, 2006
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Day 21 Aventura Panamericana
Today started at 04.45 hrs.in Tulum. We had mislaid the tulips to get the 1.63 kms from Room 6115 in Block D, under Blocks C & B, past the tennis courts on the left and the Colonial Restaurant on the right, avoiding the Tope at 1.34 kms to emerge in the reception area, and all in pitch darkness.
Dec 5, 2006
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